Thursday, March 24, 2011

So you're looking for a Domme

Out of all the emails and IM messages I receive, it's rare to find one from someone who has any level of class or tact in their words. I have seen some that are worse than others. They usually break down to the good, the bad, and the pathetic.

The Good:
Good afternoon, Ma'am. My name is (so and so) and I am a (age) year old submissive/kinkster/bottom from (area). I was intrigued by your (profile/blog/pics) and I was hoping you would have the time to chat sometime. I have been interested in the lifestyle for (number of) years and my experience is (activites/experience/etc). I am interested in trying (insert fetish here). I am interested in serving by (insert what you have to offer here). I hope to speak with you.

The Bad: Hello Mistress (cringe) I am looking for a Mistress to punish and humiliate me, can you help?

The Pathetic: Hey BB you're so hot, are you horny? Let's do this.

Um.... "Hey BB let's do this"?
You're kidding, right?
The bad and the pathetic get immediately deleted.

A Domme is not an escort, a phone sex operator, or a webcam girl. I am not your personal wank bank. Questions like "what are you wearing" and "what would you do to me" come off to me as trolling for cybersex and the conversation will immediately be terminated. A profile pic of your genitalia or sexual comments will usually yield very low results.

If you are looking for a Dominant, have some class, and for the love of all things kinky, have some respect! Didn't your mama teach you any manners? Introduce yourself. Dommes demand respect, and you have a much better chance of getting her attention if you are respectful from the very start. Keep in mind, most Dominant females receive over 100 emails a week. Yours needs to stand out from all the others.

Don't be an asskisser. Yes, I demand respect, but I see a red flag go up when someone offers every bit of their life to someone they haven't even met.

Take the time to write out a message. "Txt spk" shorthand is simply unacceptable. It makes you look lazy and to be honest, I have to way too many emails to go through to waste time trying to figure out what the hell you are trying to say.

Do NOT address a Dominant woman as "Mistress" or "Goddess" unless they ask you to. I am not your Mistress (yet) and frankly, it is downright pretentious to think I want to be YOUR Mistress before I have ever even spoken to you. Calling a Domme you don't know "Mistress" is like calling some random woman your wife.

State what you have to offer. Most Dommes are looking for more than just another ass to spank. What makes you different than every other email I get? Why should I work with you as my submissive? Being a Domme is hard work, how will you make it worth my while?

Never assume a Dominant is looking unless they actively say so on their profile or blog.

Do NOT EVER lie about your experience level. Being inexperienced is rarely a problem. Being a liar is ALWAYS a problem.
If you are inexperienced or new to the lifestyle, don't expect a busy Domme to hold your hand and teach you everything there is to know. Do some research. Google is your friend. There are some wonderful resources on the internet that can give you a little bit of a window into the lifestyle and enough information to help you sort out what you are really looking for.  Know what you want before contacting a Dominant. No one wants to spend hours trying to break you out of your shell just to figure out what your interests are. Research, soul search, and then research some more.

Compliments are nice, harassment is not. "I have to say, the pic of you in the red corset is absolutely stunning" will be much more well received than "Your pics are hot, you have amazing tits and ass, I wanna see more of you." The latter is just plain rude.

Last but not least, join your local bdsm group. Yes, your area has them, you just don't know it because we are discreet. A simple web search will yield surprising results. Most if not all fetish groups are very welcoming to newbies and seasoned kinksters alike. Don't be shy. We are very friendly.


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